Category: Daily Living
Hey all. Forwarning, this post is a bit long. My stepdad has been living in Atlanta for a year for his job, and my mom is moving out there in June to join him, and I'm staying here in Colorado, so I gotta figure out where I'm gonna live. I have 3 options. 1. is trying to get into the Colorado Center for the blind, because, honestly, I need more skills to be able to live on my own. This, of course, is the best and most viable option for me, but I don't want to stick all my eggs in one basket, so I need to come up with a backup plan just in case the center falls through. My two options are just goin with it and living on my own or with a roommate and just learning more skills as I go. The other option is living with my dad till I'm better at those skills. The drawbacks to that situation are, a. we would probably not make the best living partners at all, and B. he lives in a location where transit nor paratransit travel out after ten at night and it's 45 minutes away from my school, but if I lived there, I'd have security, but maybe it's time for me to take a stab at living without my parents again. I struggled with it when I was 18 and I fucked up a lot, and I'm afraid I may repeat my same mistakes, but I am 22 now and have grown in leaps and bounds since then. I guess I'm just a little nervous and unprepared. Does anyone have any suggestions? Dad's or livin by myself? Let me know what you think. Thanks.
Live with a roommate, but one that isn't going to baby you. Make mistakes, burn yourself and learn from it. I feel those centers shelter you far too much. I saw a lot of people go through them, and they may have learned a few things, but they didn't learn how the real world is going to treat you. Find a little apartment and make it your own. That's my advice.
Yeah, I tend to agree with SL here.
When you say you need to learn more skills, which ones are you talking about? Just curious because many things you might think you need to be able to do might not be as important as you think they are while others may be. Some things you can learn on the fly.
Take cooking for example. You don't have to be a 5 star shef to make what you need to make to get by. Most of what I learned about living on my own happened by trial and error. lol
I'd say give it a shot. Ya gotta do it at some point.
Yes, I agree. Those centers aren't the real world, they are institutions. As long as you have your own money, you should be able to do it just pay your bills on time and yes it would probably be cheaper to have a roommate, but be safe when looking.
Agree 100% with above posters.
I do see the value in the CCB. If you can get into that, great. However, if you can't, or if you decide not to, I'd say the roommate thing is the best idea, if you have someone who that would work out with. It definitely cuts down on expenses, and does add a measure of security while not taking away your independence. You're intelligent and driven enough that I think you could live on your own if that was what was needed. I'd say living with your Dad is the lowest on the ladder by a long shot, and avoid that if you can.
Agree with previous posters. Honestly, I think the CCB center is a good crutch for someone in your situation, and you'd be using it as that. But guess what? You can't walk on crutches too far and too fast. if you dont' actually need the crutch, then you'd be hindering your long term potential by sticking to it.
What do you actually need to learn? Because, I promise you, you can't learn something as well in an institution as you can if your life literally depends on you learning it. It may not be perfect, but you'll learn to make do with it, and you practice and experiment till your satisfied with your effort. Also, who needs an NFB center when you've got a whole bunch of smart ass blindies on here, probably more than willing to tell you how you should do something. You know us: We're all sitting around here, spouting off a bunch of shit all the time, might as well help a fellow zone patron learn some life skills. In short, we're hear for ya.
I sense you probably feel afraid of what would happen if you moved out on your own or with a roommate, judging from your post; You said that your dad could provide you with security, but that's not always the best thing--Especially if it comes with conditions and limitations.
At 22, your old enough to get on your own feet, and, providing your resourceful and driven enough to do it, you will be fine.
You say you struck out on your own at 18 and fucked up. Well good. Reflect on those mistakes and be smart: Dont' do them over. You acknowledge you fucked up in the past, so your smart enough to distinguish fucking up from not fucking up. so, dont' fuck up. lol.
I think you can do it, sam. Get a roommate, a good old apartment (you know, complete with the leaky faucet and bullshit like that. lol ), and take a stab at it. Join the rest of us 20 somethings in being broke, but happy and self-sufficient. You'll love it; I promise. It'll be tough, no shit. But I believe in building something of yoru own from the ground up rather than scrambling around, looking for others to build you up instead. At least that way, you have something of your own to be proud of, mistakes and all.
Ok here goes my typical stuff on this independence thing, but first:
You are not the only one needs to learn. Your parents do too. If you live with one of them, they'll never learn to see you as an adult, and that is really difficult for parents, who looked after you from the time you popped outa the chute kicking and squealing up until now. But learn we parents must, so see this not only as your opportunity but theirs.
Also and here you all have heard me say this before:
I really think there's way too many emphasis on what you all call skills, or living skills, or what have you. Some of you all have way more skills than many sighted kids the daughter's age. And yunno what? She and her roommate friend are gonna learn some things, now that they're getting their own apartment. Them two birds are gonna learn a lot, and there was no centes for them, so I think you can. You're intelligent, and many things are not that different for us in the home. And the way you can pay for things online, and other stuff now, it's a lot easier than when I moved out. Just my ramblings, speaking of them ttwo birds they're coming over and I gotta go lift their heavy stuff for 'em. They just signed their lease on their new pad.
I agree with those who are saying CCB is only a limited option. And if you have some of these skills already, it could ultimately be a waste of your time. However, it is quite social and you'd learn to do stuff in your own back yard so to speak. ON the flipside, nothing has tought me more than having to just do it. The further I moved from where I grew up, the more I've learned. You'll have days where you struggle, of course, but we all do. And if you're not struggling at all with anything, then you're not living life at all imho. I guess the biggest question is, where do you want to be 5 years from now? Do you care where you are in 5 years? If not, you can just move somewhere random with a roommate and be sure to have access to public transportation. If you do have some sort of idea where you want to go, I'd say take that in to account when making your decision.
do both. go to ccb and get out on your own after that. u might find a good roommate there and having friends who r doing the same things u r will b helpful.
Can't agree more with Scott on the public transportation thing. I will be getting my freedom back in a month, though I've had the daughter to think about for years, which is why I moved away from public transit. From now on, I'll never have a reason again to be living where there is no transit. Yes, it's more expensive as rent goes. But put a price on freedom?
I really appreciate all of your input Cody, you rock my world. Thank you for getting it. Bernadetta, I laughed at your post because it's so damn true. If I ever need advice, I can just come ask one of you weirdos. Lol. All joking aside, I need to get better on my cooking and travel and definitely home maintenance kinda stuff. Scott, I couldn't agree more on the public transport thing as well, and Uncle Leo, I wish you could seriously tell what you just said to my mother, bless her soul, she soooooo doesn't get it. I'm gonna keep trying looking for a roommate, that sorta fell through last year. Sometimes, I fear my friends don't wanna live with me because they fear something's gonna happpen to me if they're gone, but I've told them time and again that I'd be fine. Everyone's gotta learn some time.
Sam, I couldn't agree more with what everyone has told you. A lot of times we learn things that we need to learn when we're in situations that use them, unless you become lazy. I certainly am no great cook but I can at least cook enough meals to get by. Everything these centers teach you about traveling and what not is mainly common sense and you seem to have a decent head on your shoulders. As far as the centers go, I do think they are a viable option for blind people, but mainly for those who don't have the confidence to go out on their own. I feel like for you sam, you already have a very independent and confident mindset, so I don't think you need to spend almost a year of your time in a place like ccb and the like. Just my thoughts.
I tried one of those centers and it failed worse than anything as they tried to force me in their little box. The way I learned the most is you gussed it, getting my own place. It's been 2 years now and i'm still going, if anything i'm better off now than I was
Have you asked the local rehab services commission if they have home teachers? I think the best choice would be to try to find a small apartment that you can afford, with or without a roommate, and have a rehab teacher come in a couple times per week to help you learn to cook, clean, sort laundry, and whatever other types of help you might need. I used to work for a rehab center that had both in-house services and community teachers who worked with people in their own homes, so I would ask about this if I were you.
Leo Guardian basically said what I wanted to say. We shouldn't be afraid of not having some skills. Every young person who's trying to stand on their own feet has to learn a lot of new skills and that goes for sighted, blind, left handed, blue eyed or college undergrads. I think the most important thing is making ones own desisions and not be afraid to follow them through with them or changing the course if it turns out bad.
I've heard that CCB is similar to the center I went to in Louisiana. For those of you who are familiar with the boards you have read about how LCB benefitted me, so I will not repeat myself again and again. I will say this though. I did lack a lot of common sense, and though I had confidence within myself it didn't assure that I would be safe. I would often do bold things that jeopardized my safety mainly while traveling outdoors, and this was another thing that was fixed when I went to LCB. If what I have heard stands true about CCB I don't see it as the rest of the centers that you all refer to as quote on quote institutions. I would suggest you go for CCB, if and only if you don't feel you have the confidence to cook, clean, and do household maintinance. If that isn't that case, I'd either suggest doing what Becky said if you have some time ahead of you before you make any sudden decisions. Or, try to get hooked up with a roommate that seems willing to help you out and learn those things. Whichever option you choose, it won't be easy. You will have some tough times and things won't always go right, but keep trying. You'll get it.
A big thing you should do sam is sit down and figure out exactly what you can't do. I'm sure you know how to clean. Personally I find it difficult to believe that is something they have to teach people at a center. I'm sure you know how to keep yourself presentable and all that. Cooking is trial and error, and it really isn't very hard with the right equipment. Mobility can be taught from home in most places. So what would you be looking to learn from a center in the first place, and would they be able to teach that to you?
I'll personally go with the second option. It is great to use CCB as a stepping stone, let say, get in there for a month or two if you feel that will boose up your confident on independent living and that. But, at the end of the day, you can only be really independent if you are there to try it, to experience with it, and, learn 1 or 2 hard lessons along the way.
It sounds scarry i know, but ones you get the idea of living by yourself, it is not as bad as it sound.
cody, you will be surprised at how sheltered blind people can be, believe me some of these people don't know how to clean that I have seen or been around. Even something as simple as taking care of themselves and looking presentable and smelling good escapes some people, and they find nothing wrong with it. I find that a lot of blind people as well for some reason are very socially awkward if they are sheltered, and it's a lot harder to break them of their sheltered ways without sending to a center which in a way is still sheltering them, but they are at least learning things they may have otherwise not learned if they stayed in their home area.
Oh believe me, cody, I am in complete agreement with jess on this point.
You'd be surprised how simple it is to grow up not taking a single thing out of the home you're raised in, or any environment you might be in that is sheltering you, for that matter. I had to fight for my right to get to learn certain skills that you'd think would go without mentioning. My family, having come from a poor village in Poland before I was born and never having experience with a blind person had to be forced by my teachers, rehab people, etc. to let me do things independently when I was a kid. I swear; I learned for the first time from a TVI how to properly tie my shoes when I was in the third grade, because my family didn't' think it necessary to teach me that. They instead insisted on doing it for me when I was younger.
Want more examples? I could come up with a lot, but it's safe to say that as soon as I realized that other blind people dont' actually get waited on by various family members and other caretakers, I faught tooth and nail to learn everything I could while I was still a kid. And it was a fight, trust me. lol.
In the end, I'm confident that I was a great advocate for myself, that I learned how to take proper care of my needs, whether for necessity's sake or for leisure, but it was a battle.
My mother began coming around to my point of view, to understand the logic of self-sufficiency even while blind when she realized that as I got older, I would immerse myself in situations where I had to look out for myself. She realized that I wouldnt' want to stick around at home for college, that eventually I'd want a normal, independent life of my own, complete with a family, a meaningful job, etc. But it took her forever to take a step back and allow me to explore all that I needed to in order to be a successful, independent individual.
And people wonder why I have no faith in humanity.
Oh yeah; there was a host of things I didn't know how to do simply because I was so sheltered and unlike Bernadetta I thought that was how things were supposed to be for the longest time. Cleaning was one thing I didn't know how to approach, and after I finished training I noticed I did way better with it. I missed a lot more dirt when I swept or vacuumed in the beginning, and I paid little attention to the layout of different surfaces such as sinks, counters, toilets, etc. There are people who lack those skills, but it's not their fault, and they can pick them up if they are willing to go out of their way and get away from what it is they did from the beginning.
I'm sure there's some validity to what some of you are talking about. But oh boy, hmm, were I to show you the war zone that was either the daughter's bedroom or that of some of her friends you skills people would be saying those blind people this or that. 'Cept they're not blind. One of the girls had left some food in her room and it got moldy. I believe as my father did: once you pay for it, you're gonna learn how to clean it up real quick. And cooking? The daughter knows how to cook quite a few things, but many of her friends don't. And socially awkward? I've seen kids like that, often homeschooled or otherwise sheltered for religious reasons. The only way blindness factored into that equation was that since I could not see their maturing figure, I took them to be maybe ten years old, and treated them as such until told differently.
The waiting on situation is a bad one, and I can appreciate that being a very problematic issue. But lots of things parents get their pants in a wad over when the kids are little just aren't that big a deal when they grow up. I'll never forget this potty training video the wife and her mom brought home once, and yeah I dutifully watched through the silly songs about turds and the psychobabble words and things, until the end, when the Man Said, "They're not going to go to school, let alone college, still having this problem." That's all I remember from that video. And it about sums up a lot of things parents get tripped out over, including most things I got tripped out over. So while there are concerns, yes, and certainly I had things that were blindness specific, as they call it, to learn when I moved out. More often than not, I had the same things to learn everyone else had. And honestly, no matter how good or bad your situation, you can't learn everything under the parents' roof and ultimately it does fall on you to pick up the difference.
if you stay away from a center, I think the main thing you need to do is find someone who is willing to do more for you than teach you root travel.
Its really important you get the skills to go where ever you'd like to go and not depend on a rout, or special transit services etc.
You can learn much of the cooking basics and even some advanced stuff on your own, if you're patient, daring and such, but the road would probably be easier at a center. Same goes for home maintenance. you can learn a lot in a pinch, but you may find value in learning it from someone who knows what they're doing.
the internet is a good resource for many things, like cooking, fixing things etc, but realize that not all info about that kind of stuff is created equal. Sometimes people don't know everything they really need to make sure things are done correctly, safely and properly.
Making errors is all well and good, but the less errors you have, the better.
A center will not give you all the answers, but they will give you a good foundation.
If you're a hands on learner, that may be the best approach. Many in our generation use resources like youtube videos and web pages to learn things like advanced cooking, but i've found that many of those are not that helpful, because they're not very descriptive . If you've got good reading comprehension other written instructions may help.
In the end, remember you're making these choices for you, not for the peanut gallery on here. You're not trying to gain or lose favor..... ,
The best thing about renting an apartment is that you don't really need to worry too much about home maintanence. So long as you can change a lightbulb and learn where the shutoff valves are for water sources, and maybe how to plunge a toilet, the maintanence staff will take care of anything more than that.
as someone who went to a center, and had their life completely changed for the better cause of it, I'll reitterate what others have said about them providing a good foundation. so, I'd suggest thinking long and hard about what path you feel would help you get the most out of learning.
I was one who didn't know how to clean or cook, before attending the LCB, not to mention the piss poor travel skills I had. however, getting out in the community, seeing people who know what they were doing, helped tremendously. the same goes for home maintenance stuff.
I moved out of my parents home when I was 22. I hadn't done a lot for myself while at home so I learnt a lot in the first few years of being out by myself. Admitedly I did have a lot of support should I have needed it; My parents were (are) fifteen mins up the road and My nan stayed with me a bit in those first few years and kinda helped me learn washing and cooking but mind you, she didn't live with me; just was there as a great backup.
Although I have been able to cook to survive pretty much for the entire time, I'm still improving all the time with my cooking.
Even though I did have support, I felt that through being out, I was able to learn heaps of skills and it was the best way for me to learn. So maybe you'll be the same.
If you do decide to move out on your own, make sure you get your washing machine marked (I put braille on mine with the help of Dad and it's a turn dial thing as oppose to a menu-driven one). I also marked my oven (which is also a dial) and brailled the microwave although I hear one can get talking/braille ones.
I also highly recommend George Foram grills for cooking sausages, chops, and perhaps steak and chicken fillets. Sandwiches are also cooked well.
sorry, that was meant to read George Forman grills.
Typing too fast on the account of being at work Lol